Get Growing! Tools and Strategies for Living, Working and Relating Well
"Coulda - Shoulda - Woulda...Didn't!"
October 20, 2021
How many times have you thought, if only I had…? We've all had regrets over a chance not taken. So what stops us from pursuing that once in a lifetime opportunity, going after a dream or taking that relatively small step toward something bigger? The answer usually falls into one of the following categories.
Fear: Fear of failure, disappointment or embarrassment. Fear of success and the pressure to maintain it. Fear of stepping out of our comfort zone, often at the expense of our potential.
Low Self-Esteem/Lack of Confidence: Some people lack faith in their ability to succeed. They don’t trust themselves to make good decisions, land on their feet or go the distance. Success is not on their radar.
Uninspired/Lazy: Those who fall into this category want success on paper. They may think they want it, yet they can’t seem to do what it takes to achieve it. They make plans, but don't take any action. Lazy individuals lack motivation. For them, opportunities are just too much effort.
The Blame Game: Stepping up and pursuing an opportunity means taking responsibility, regardless of the outcome. Blamers protect themselves from potential failure by making it about others or circumstances beyond their control. Then they can rationalize why it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
If you recognize yourself in any of these categories, you’re not alone. To avoid coulda-shoulda-woulda, ask yourself these questions:
1. What is the worst that could happen? We have a tendency to catastrophize outcomes. Most of the time taking a risk, even failing turns out to be less of a problem than we think. By doing your due-diligence at the front end and taking calculated risks, you're less likely to do any serious damage.
2. What's holding me back? If you're hesitating, ask yourself what am I afraid of? Write your answer(s) down and then analyze them carefully to determine if there truly is cause for concern. Don't let fear have the final say.
3. Am I up to the task? Be completely honest with yourself. Are you truly incapable or is that just a faulty belief? Who could you turn to for help if necessary? Bottom line, are you smarter, better, more capable than you give yourself credit for? The answer is probably yes.
4. How does being lazy serve me? This might seem like an odd question, but if you answer it honestly you may be surprised. If you’re unmotivated, you’re less likely to pursue opportunities and if you don’t pursue opportunities, you won’t have to contend with the downsides of success or failure. You can continue to coast along blissfully unchallenged, but at what cost?
5. Whose fault is it anyway? If you're convinced that your failures are due to someone or something outside yourself, think again. The common denominator is likely you. If you had it to do all over again, what would you do differently? Learn from your mistakes and the next time opportunity knocks...answer!
A Good Read:
"Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: Overcoming Regrets, Mistakes and Missed Opportunities" by Arthur Freeman and Rose DeWolf
Want to move on from regret? Check this out!
In the next edition of "Get Growing! Tools and Strategies for Living, Working and Relating Well," I'll be exploring our love/hate relationship with work and how to make peace with it.
Please visit my Facebook Page. If you like what you see, feel free to Like, Share or Comment. I'd love to hear from you. And if you know of someone who might enjoy this newsletter, pass it along.
"Coulda - Shoulda - Woulda...Didn't!"
October 20, 2021
How many times have you thought, if only I had…? We've all had regrets over a chance not taken. So what stops us from pursuing that once in a lifetime opportunity, going after a dream or taking that relatively small step toward something bigger? The answer usually falls into one of the following categories.
Fear: Fear of failure, disappointment or embarrassment. Fear of success and the pressure to maintain it. Fear of stepping out of our comfort zone, often at the expense of our potential.
Low Self-Esteem/Lack of Confidence: Some people lack faith in their ability to succeed. They don’t trust themselves to make good decisions, land on their feet or go the distance. Success is not on their radar.
Uninspired/Lazy: Those who fall into this category want success on paper. They may think they want it, yet they can’t seem to do what it takes to achieve it. They make plans, but don't take any action. Lazy individuals lack motivation. For them, opportunities are just too much effort.
The Blame Game: Stepping up and pursuing an opportunity means taking responsibility, regardless of the outcome. Blamers protect themselves from potential failure by making it about others or circumstances beyond their control. Then they can rationalize why it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
If you recognize yourself in any of these categories, you’re not alone. To avoid coulda-shoulda-woulda, ask yourself these questions:
1. What is the worst that could happen? We have a tendency to catastrophize outcomes. Most of the time taking a risk, even failing turns out to be less of a problem than we think. By doing your due-diligence at the front end and taking calculated risks, you're less likely to do any serious damage.
2. What's holding me back? If you're hesitating, ask yourself what am I afraid of? Write your answer(s) down and then analyze them carefully to determine if there truly is cause for concern. Don't let fear have the final say.
3. Am I up to the task? Be completely honest with yourself. Are you truly incapable or is that just a faulty belief? Who could you turn to for help if necessary? Bottom line, are you smarter, better, more capable than you give yourself credit for? The answer is probably yes.
4. How does being lazy serve me? This might seem like an odd question, but if you answer it honestly you may be surprised. If you’re unmotivated, you’re less likely to pursue opportunities and if you don’t pursue opportunities, you won’t have to contend with the downsides of success or failure. You can continue to coast along blissfully unchallenged, but at what cost?
5. Whose fault is it anyway? If you're convinced that your failures are due to someone or something outside yourself, think again. The common denominator is likely you. If you had it to do all over again, what would you do differently? Learn from your mistakes and the next time opportunity knocks...answer!
A Good Read:
"Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: Overcoming Regrets, Mistakes and Missed Opportunities" by Arthur Freeman and Rose DeWolf
Want to move on from regret? Check this out!
In the next edition of "Get Growing! Tools and Strategies for Living, Working and Relating Well," I'll be exploring our love/hate relationship with work and how to make peace with it.
Please visit my Facebook Page. If you like what you see, feel free to Like, Share or Comment. I'd love to hear from you. And if you know of someone who might enjoy this newsletter, pass it along.
