Get Growing! Tools and Strategies for Living, Working and Relating Well
How to Go From Fear-Full to Fear-Less By Asking the Right Questions
December 11, 2020
Raise your hand if you’re living a fear-based life. Statistically speaking, approximately half of you raised your hand. What does it mean to live a fear-based life? It means you make decisions, both big and small, based largely on fear and avoidance of negative consequences. Most of the time, you don’t even realize that fear is influencing your decisions because playing it safe has become your "M.O."
It’s in your DNA to feel fear, recognize and assess risk and then proceed accordingly. Your survival depends on it. Fear is an adaptive response. It warns you of potential danger and helps keep you safe, sometimes too safe. While fear and risk-taking go hand in hand, some of us are more risk-averse than others.
So how does an adaptive response designed to increase the likelihood of survival, become a chronic problem that gets in the way of achieving your goals? It happens when you allow fear to be in charge. When 'coulda-shoulda woulda,' becomes a familiar refrain or when past trauma or unresolved issues prevent you from moving forward.
Regret is a fairly accurate barometer of the extent to which you’re living a fear-based life. To get in touch with how fear may be motivating your decisions, think of at least 2-3 things you regret having done or not done over the course of your lifetime and then ask yourself, what was I afraid of?
Look for common themes around your fears. Were you afraid of failing, hurting someone’s feelings or making them angry? Were you afraid of losing money or tarnishing your reputation? Did you not trust yourself to make the best decision? Now ask yourself, what would I have done differently if I wasn’t afraid?
While you can’t change the past, your answers to these questions will shed light on the nature of your fears, help you avoid fear-based decisions in the future or at the very least, assess the validity of your fears more objectively.
To make future decisions from a place of objective and calculated risk-taking rather than fear, ask yourself, what is the worst that could happen? Often, the worst that could happen is not as bad as you think. If fear holds you back, reframe it, i.e. look at it from a different perspective. In Chip Gaines' autobiography "Capital Gaines," he sums it up as follows.
“For as long we’ve been married, Jo and I have made a habit of just trying things out and hoping for the best. Because we’re not afraid to fail, fear has lost its power over us. This is a really an important point to understand: when you aren’t trying to avoid failure, fear loses its foothold. The courage to take a chance is half the battle. The other half? Viewing failure as a teacher and not the enemy.”
According to Chip, whether you succeed or fail, it's a win. If you succeed, you’ve proven that you’re capable. If you fail, it just means you need more practice. Success and failure are great teachers, By paying attention to what worked and what didn’t, the lesson won't have to be repeated.
Imagine what it would be like to view failure as an opportunity. To see it as a means to an end, rather than something to be avoided at all costs. Imagine failure, even fear…as your friend.
"There is no such thing as failure, only feedback." ~ James Ray
Want to stop living in fear? Check this out!
In the next edition of "Get Growing! Tools and Strategies for Living, Working and Relating Well," I'll be exploring fear's counterpart - WORRY - and how you can transform its negative energy into positive change.
If you haven't already, visit my new Facebook page. Like what you see?- please Like, Share, Comment. And while you're at it, check out my brand new blog. Am I on a social media roll or what?!
If you know someone who might enjoy this newsletter, feel free to pass it along.
How to Go From Fear-Full to Fear-Less By Asking the Right Questions
December 11, 2020
Raise your hand if you’re living a fear-based life. Statistically speaking, approximately half of you raised your hand. What does it mean to live a fear-based life? It means you make decisions, both big and small, based largely on fear and avoidance of negative consequences. Most of the time, you don’t even realize that fear is influencing your decisions because playing it safe has become your "M.O."
It’s in your DNA to feel fear, recognize and assess risk and then proceed accordingly. Your survival depends on it. Fear is an adaptive response. It warns you of potential danger and helps keep you safe, sometimes too safe. While fear and risk-taking go hand in hand, some of us are more risk-averse than others.
So how does an adaptive response designed to increase the likelihood of survival, become a chronic problem that gets in the way of achieving your goals? It happens when you allow fear to be in charge. When 'coulda-shoulda woulda,' becomes a familiar refrain or when past trauma or unresolved issues prevent you from moving forward.
Regret is a fairly accurate barometer of the extent to which you’re living a fear-based life. To get in touch with how fear may be motivating your decisions, think of at least 2-3 things you regret having done or not done over the course of your lifetime and then ask yourself, what was I afraid of?
Look for common themes around your fears. Were you afraid of failing, hurting someone’s feelings or making them angry? Were you afraid of losing money or tarnishing your reputation? Did you not trust yourself to make the best decision? Now ask yourself, what would I have done differently if I wasn’t afraid?
While you can’t change the past, your answers to these questions will shed light on the nature of your fears, help you avoid fear-based decisions in the future or at the very least, assess the validity of your fears more objectively.
To make future decisions from a place of objective and calculated risk-taking rather than fear, ask yourself, what is the worst that could happen? Often, the worst that could happen is not as bad as you think. If fear holds you back, reframe it, i.e. look at it from a different perspective. In Chip Gaines' autobiography "Capital Gaines," he sums it up as follows.
“For as long we’ve been married, Jo and I have made a habit of just trying things out and hoping for the best. Because we’re not afraid to fail, fear has lost its power over us. This is a really an important point to understand: when you aren’t trying to avoid failure, fear loses its foothold. The courage to take a chance is half the battle. The other half? Viewing failure as a teacher and not the enemy.”
According to Chip, whether you succeed or fail, it's a win. If you succeed, you’ve proven that you’re capable. If you fail, it just means you need more practice. Success and failure are great teachers, By paying attention to what worked and what didn’t, the lesson won't have to be repeated.
Imagine what it would be like to view failure as an opportunity. To see it as a means to an end, rather than something to be avoided at all costs. Imagine failure, even fear…as your friend.
"There is no such thing as failure, only feedback." ~ James Ray
Want to stop living in fear? Check this out!
In the next edition of "Get Growing! Tools and Strategies for Living, Working and Relating Well," I'll be exploring fear's counterpart - WORRY - and how you can transform its negative energy into positive change.
If you haven't already, visit my new Facebook page. Like what you see?- please Like, Share, Comment. And while you're at it, check out my brand new blog. Am I on a social media roll or what?!
If you know someone who might enjoy this newsletter, feel free to pass it along.
